Convergence

Have you ever had one of those weird moments when it feels like the Universe is trying to send you a message?  Not like "If you stop at the intersection of so-and-so at such-and-such a time, you will find 20 bucks on the sidewalk," - but more akin to "Oh hello, you ARE here for a reason, and by the way, you're not f*cking up as badly as you thought." 

Like that.

I've had this happen less than a handful of times in my 30 years on the planet - interestingly a few of them have happened in the past few months.  The first of the most recent ones happened a few hours before going into labor with Everett :)  I was at prenatal yoga and relaxing into Savasana (Corpse Pose) when I felt a moment of quiet and tapped into something I had only ever felt once before - just about exactly 4 years ago when I was in labor with Eddy.  It was the feeling of a thin, flexible strand of steel residing somewhere deep, deep down.  Two thoughts floated into my thinking brain: "Oh THERE you are," and "We can do this."  We being me and Everett.  This being BIRTH! 

So there was that :)

Then a few short weeks later (boy how the early newborn weeks fly!) I was at another yoga class (yay yoga!) called "Return to Center" - a yoga class specifically for mamas :)  I think I was passing into or out of Downward Dog when our teacher mentioned "accepting where you are as a mama."  I've heard the word "acceptance" hundreds of times in yoga classes before, but it's never stopped me mid-pose before.  Again, my brain spontaneously came up with this: "If THIS is all I'll ever be, it is enough."  Now I am a goal-oriented person.  I'm not very good at keeping them, but I am constantly thinking ahead, striving forward to a time somewhere in the future where I will be BETTER, stronger, kinder, more relaxed, more organized, etc.  When I exercise/meditate/study/etc more, I will be a BETTER person.  It's good to have goals - but its exhausting and gives me anxiety to always be waiting, waiting to be a better person/mom/wife/sister/daughter/PT.  "It is enough" pressed the pause button on that anxiety.  In the game of Life, I'm not doing such a bad job.  If this is the best mother I'll ever be, it will be enough.  If this is the best my body will ever perform, it will be enough.  If this is the level of career I achieve, it is enough.  I was truly being gentle and compassionate with myself.  And it was a relief.

The third moment occurred yesterday at Everett's 2 month well check-up.  Everything went well - Everett is 12 lbs 2 oz (a gain of almost 5 lbs since leaving the hospital!) and 23.5 inches (3 inches since birth - holy moly maybe there are some Steeves genes in there after all!).  Before we went in, I was sitting in the Waiting Room and I randomly pulled a free magazine from the bottom of a stack - "Thrive CNY: A Healthy Spin on Life."  The first article talked about a women who had decided to do her first triathlon.  I thought "Oh, I have been thinking about that." (Just casually, for about a week or so).  But this woman must be an athlete already.  She can't be a crazy schlub who just had a baby and who in her best running days was always huffing and puffing at the back of the pack.  But no - this woman was 49 years old, a "poor swimmer" with sciatica and only stationary bike experience.  This pretty closely matched the reservations I've had whenever my thoughts turned to something truly physically challenging.  "I'm too scared to ride a bike.  My back will hurt.  I'm not a good swimmer.  It's too late to start pushing my body like that."  THEN the article took an interesting turn and starting talking about vibration and how the energy or vibration of our thoughts have effects upon ourselves and those around us.  Sound and vibration are an interest of mine - an interest that I hadn't thought about for a while. 

The next article talked about influence with this quote in bold: "Developing the ability to be impervious to external factors and forces that do not serve our highest good is essential to a happy and joy filled life."  Immediately spoke to the reading/experimenting on minimalism/simplifying I've been doing. 

The next article was written by one of the doctors belonging to our family practice - it was about being present in NOW and embracing looking for solutions to obstacles instead of falling to pieces when we come up against a wall, a disappointment, a failure.  Something I've been trying to impart onto Eddy during these challenging past few months with a new baby in the house - and something I'm constantly struggling with myself!

Finally I flipped the page to find an article called "Demystifying Montessori Education" written by one of our favorite of Eddy's teachers at MSS.  We had known she had been "published" recently, but had no idea where the article was located. 

These articles felt like a convergence of themes that have come up for our family in the past few months.  Now I know it makes sense that a doctor's office would have literature about health and wellness, and it's natural to gravitate towards and then associate what your reading with what's going on in the rest of your life, but this felt like a special moment.  A reminder of what's important, a small sign that we can be connected to each other in meaningful, purposeful ways. 

It was a nice moment. 

When have you felt stopped in your tracks by a coincidence?  An unexpected convergence?  A moment when it felt like it all made sense?